tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
