even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
