U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
