My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
