operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Randomize