CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
