I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
