there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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