I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
