Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Green mimosas i think yes
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
