i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
