Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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