last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
