Got a toothbrush?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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