She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
