I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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