Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
