I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize