She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
