I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
