i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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