Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
