you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
