shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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