A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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