Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
