My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize