About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
