Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
