I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
this will be a night to untag.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
