And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
