If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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