I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
