I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
