I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
