his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
