1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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