UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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