dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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