i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
you made out with another girl for some wings
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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