and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize