So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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