thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
