I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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