I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
