If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
