i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
