is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
