Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
