Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
