Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
