in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
