Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
