is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
smell my finger.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
