My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
