you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
