Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
