Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
