And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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