the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
