I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize