I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize