i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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