Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
