Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
