It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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