Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Randomize
