I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
