He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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