a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
